Self-regulation: connecting the dots between self-care and coping skills.
Written by Jonathan Wicks, RMS Founder
This past calendar experience has certainly left a mark on each of our personal journeys through time. On so many levels, and in so many different ways, the pandemic has drastically altered the course of our established routines, and given us a reason to stop, look, and listen to what is going on around us. As we press forward through the new year, it felt like a good time to share some thoughts on moving forward through 2021.
Thinking back to March 2020, so many of our plans were abruptly thrown into this time warp of hope and disappointment. Creative projects that were incomplete were stopped, and memories that would never be fully consolidated faded away completely. Scott Berinato put it well when he stated, “we’re feeling that loss of safety. I don’t think we’ve collectively lost our sense of general safety like this. Individually or as smaller groups, people have felt this. But all together, this is new. We are grieving on a micro and a macro level” (Berinato, 2020).
The macro loss of the traditional WGI, DCI, and all other traditional circuits has been felt organizationally, as many ensembles, along with the rest of the globe, had to put safety first and cancel entire seasons of activity. Of course, this ultimately has been felt on the micro side of things, as each of us fortunate enough to still be alive in 2021 have pressed forward and weathered the storm thus far.
Hopefully, you have been able to find support and resources despite all the cancellations, postponements, tests, re-tests, reschedules, virtual meetings, failed attempts to connect and re-connect, sanitizer smells, face masks and utter despair of 2020. For those of you that are still committed to moving forward - this blog post is for you.
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Both individual loss and collective loss have been a common occurrence through this historical stretch. On both the micro and macro levels, the ability to respond to change have been a critical factor in maintaining mind and body well-being.
More directly, the ability to self-regulate when faced with adversity has been critical - ready or not. Whether it was in response to the virus, the social unrest around the country, the presidential election, or any other combination of stress, self-regulation is something worth talking about.
Self-regulation, as far as this blog post is concerned, can be thought of in two different ways: self-care and coping skills. Both of these concepts are different types of self-regulation, and both of these concepts can produce very positive benefits.
Some of the reality with this topic of self-regulation is the fact that we all face challenges or stressors which, on some level, we do not have total control over. Whether you are a student, an educator, a parent, or a child - life throws stress at everyone and sometimes at the worst of times! Hopefully, understanding the interplay and interconnectedness of coping skills and self-care can make it easier for you to find and maintain your balance.
There are a lot of ways to speak about “balance” of one’s life. Some people prefer terms like equilibrium or homeostasis. Regardless of your word choice, these terms reference the fact that life is dynamic, and for each person the ups and downs of life usually have a balanced point of stability. That balance point, is your baseline level of activity.
This “baseline” is where we live when things are good for us. But what about the times when things are up (i.e. anxiety-based) or down (i.e. depressive-based)? This is where our ability to self-regulate comes into the picture. Both types of self-regulation, whether it be self-care or coping skills, are tools that can be developed to help us self-regulate and get back to our baseline.
How do we know we are at our baseline? According to trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk, “you can tell equilibrium has been restored when the physiology calms down” (Kolk, p. 114). When we are stressed, our heart rate goes up, our breathing rate changes, we may sweat, feel tension in different places of our body, etc. Any deviation from your baseline, whether up or down, is a good sign that you may not be regulated. Self-regulation is helpful not only for the moments of anxiety, but also for the times we feel depressed.
Kolk also stated, “Mainstream Western psychiatric and psychological healing traditions have paid scant attention to self-management. In contest to the Western reliance on [medications] and verbal therapies, other traditions from around the world rely on mindfulness, movement, rhythms, and action” (Kolk, p. 209). Although many people do utilize medication and professional services to address the challenges of life, some people do not have the resources to do so. Others may not be comfortable pursuing mental health services for various reasons. Regardless of which side you fall on - your self-care and coping skills can be developed, improved, and cultivated for greater well-being.
“Your wound is probably
not your fault, but your healing
is your responsibility.”
As Denice Frohman states, your healing is your responsibility, even if you did not have anything to do with the initial cause of injury. This can also be said about maintaining your equilibrium; even though you may not have anything to do with the causes of stress in your life (e.g. the pandemic and other COVID-related challenges).
We have all experienced that type of stress throughout 2020. Despite the fact that life has an element we cannot control, self-care and coping skills interplay with each other to give us a line of self-defense known as self-regulation.
If you zoom out, you can more than likely understand that there is an overall arc to life, and the macro perspective of well-being across that arc fluctuates relative to our baseline. These extended arcs of time exist in other realms as well; think of things that last several months at a time. Let’s refer to those seasons of time as a person’s general state of being (e.g. your lifetime, a calendar year, a work quarter, school semester, internship, contract, fall marching season, etc.). This is your well-being over time.
Conversely, if we zoom back in, each day brings different experiences. Some days are good, while some days seem to crash and burn. Those specific moments of distress are what we can refer to as one’s specific state of being. (e.g. a flat tire, receiving bad news, event cancellation, ghosted, verbal argument, some one else quits the ensemble, etc.). This is your well-being in real-time.
Keeping these two perspectives in mind (i.e. general state of being versus specific state of being), it becomes easier to understand the difference and intended purpose of self-care and coping skills. Although both fall under the umbrella of self-regulation, a person’s general state of well-being can be established and maintained by regularly practicing of self-care, while a person’s specific state of well-being in response to a specific circumstance, can be improved with healthy coping skills.
Another way you can think of the difference between self-care and coping skills is from the perspective of proactive versus reactive. Self-care is proactive, as it involves doing pleasurable activities to decrease the impact of negative circumstances over time, while also reinforcing a stable point of well-being (i.e. equilibrium). On the other side of the self-regulation coin, coping skills are reactive, as they allow a person to respond in a healthy way to a specific stressor, and return to their baseline faster and faster.
Given these connections, I posit that the more self-care a person does, the more overall time they spend near their baseline, which ultimately helps them to manage life’s stressors. Said a different way, the more stable a person is, the easier it is for them to handle an unexpected bump in the road. Self-care helps a person maintain a state of balance over time.
Now, if that same person has taken time to develop healthy coping skills, unexpected life stressors can be directly addressed in a healthy way, and equilibrium can be reached much sooner. Coping skills help a person to return to their state of balance in real-time.
Practicing self-care and developing healthy coping skills will not happen on it’s own. This is an area that only you can develop for yourself. Keep in mind, there are many, many, unhealthy coping skills to choose from (e.g. alcohol, illicit drugs, promiscuity, self-harm, property damage, emotional outbursts, etc.). Just because you can, does not mean that you should! Although these unhealthy options may seem like great choices in the short term, over the long time arc they will typically create more challenges. When looking for strategies that can help you manage stressors, make the extra effort to research and choose healthy options.
Lastly, in regards to self-care: it does not have to be expensive or extravagant to be self-care. Going for a walk around your neighborhood is good self-care. Calling an old friend and catching up is good self-care. Watching old WGI or DCI performances is good self-care. Whatever you choose, make it something that speaks to your soul, and puts you in a space of gratitude and increased self-worth.
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Hopefully you found this breakdown of self-regulation insightful and feel more equipped to stay healthy. Most people have heard of coping skills and self-care, however their interconnected relationship is not always understood within the overarching concept of self-regulation. We are on the brink of pushing through another atypical indoor percussion season, and months away from another summer of who knows?
Use all the available information you can access to keep yourself healthy as we press into this new horizon of America and our dearly beloved, marching arts activity. Practice healthy coping skills even on good days, as this typically will increase the chances that you will use them when things actually go wrong. Likewise, take time to cultivate a self-care routine before you feel like you actually need one. Get creative - get collaborative! Search for self-care actives that speak to you, and find out which healthy coping skills work best for you.
In closing, check out the references and do your own exploring of these topics if you have not already.
Consider this blog a good starting point for your self-care and coping skills journey. What works for you, might not work for me and that’s okay too! At the end of the day - get your self-care and healthy coping skills in order.
Your ability to self-regulate depends on it.
References
Berinato, Scott. That discomfort you’re feeling is grief. March 2020. Emotional intelligence. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from: https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief
Coping mechanisms. GoodTherapy. Retrieved from: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/coping-mechanisms
Tello, Monique. MD. MPH. Self-care: 4 ways to nourish body and soul. November 2017. Harvard Health Blog. Harvard Medical School. Retrieved from: https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/self-care-4-ways-nourish-body-soul-2017111612736
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Bessel van der Kolk. New York: Viking, 2014.
